Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm at about main and main street
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
