I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
