whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
