david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
