i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
