Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
