let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
