I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
