Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
