so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
