I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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