No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
