I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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