no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
