If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we should paint friendship bongs
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