i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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