My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize