he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
