My first STD was from a foam party
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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