where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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