This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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