she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
