he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
