She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
