I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
