man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
