Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize