Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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