wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
