i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
