Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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