yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
