i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize