Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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