Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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