Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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