Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
