if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
