what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
