I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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