I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sarcasm needs its own font
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
