I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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