I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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