Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
