What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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