there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
