After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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