i permit you to call me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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