My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
