Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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