We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
