are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
