So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
