The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
