I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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