we have officially lost it.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
