We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
