Screwed.edu
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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