Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
