I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shame is for Republicans.
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