I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
