Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
